Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence. -Erma Bombeck
I love Thanksgiving turkey... it's the only time in Los Angeles that you see natural breasts. -Arnold Schwarzenegger
An optimist is a person who starts a new diet on Thanksgiving Day. -Irv Kupcinet
The pilgrims made seven times more graves than huts... nevertheless, set aside a day of thanksgiving. -H. W. Westermayer
We're having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, we're having a swan. You get more stuffing. -George Carlin
I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land. -Jon Stewart
Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year. And then discover once a year is way too often. -Johnny Carson
May your stuffing be tasty. May your turkey plump, may your potatoes and gravy have nary a lump. May your yams be delicious. And your pies take the prize, and may your Thanksgiving dinner stay off your thighs! -Anonymous
My mother is such a lousy cook that Thanksgiving at her house is a time of sorrow. -Rita Rudner
Thanksgiving, man! Not a good day to be my pants. -Kevin James
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